Don't all Graduation episodes of TV shows suck?
by Alan Smithee
Summary: The Legionnaires decide to call up one of the Subs to the big team.


L:NEXT script: "Don't all Graduation episodes of TV series suck ass?"  
  
by Thomas Greene.  
  
Time Taking Place: 2 issues after "Saving the Privates of Ryder." (6 issues into run.)  
The vast majority of these characters are either the copyright of or derivative of characters copyrighted by DC Comics. (However, this is on a very small scale and the derivative characters aren't really their most heavily-used characters, so they probably won't give a flying fuck.) This isn't as needed as a warning, but the writer doesn't want to get sued by The Man.   
If you have any criticism on this work, send it to ReLect0@aol.com. If you feel the need to flame this work, I got two words for you, SUCK IT!   
Anything else? Oh, yeah. Don't do drugs. Unless it's for good reasons. Eh, screw that, smoke crack and worship Satan.  
  
1,1. INT: Brande's office. You see Brande and Invisible Kid talking. IK is standing.  
  
Brande:   
  
I'm telling you, our idea of a "Substitute Legion" is a complete and utter success! The public's eating it up!  
  
1,2. Invisible Kid:  
  
Yeah, who would've thought that teaming up a bunch of slackers who we didn't want would go over with John Q. Public?  
  
1,3. R.J. Brande is more surprised.  
  
Brande:  
  
Even more surprising, T-shirt and action figure sales for this team are through the roof!  
  
1,4. Invisible Kid looks pleased.  
  
Invisible Kid:  
  
Wow. I'd say they deserve those sales.  
  
1,5. R.J. Brande looks like he's giddy.  
  
Brande:  
  
And the kicker is, they've eaten up enough profits from the Legion's sales to necessitate cutting back on the team's profit-sharing, which could lead you to get Real jobs!  
  
1,6. Close-up on Invisible Kid's face. He looks shocked.  
  
Invisible Kid:  
  
NOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
2,1. R.J. Brande looks stern.  
  
Brande:  
  
Well, unless you can figure out a plan to get more money, we'll need to do that.  
  
2,2. Invisible Kid looks like he had an idea.  
  
Invisible Kid:  
  
I've got it! The Subs are more popular than the Legion right now, right?  
  
2,3. Brande looks unamused.  
  
Brande:  
  
You're just getting that? No WONDER you're the second smartest Legionnaire.  
  
2,4. Invisible Kid:  
  
Therefore, the best way to do this is...  
  
2,5. A poster goes up in Sub HQ.  
  
3,1. Boombastic and Time Warp are reading the poster.  
  
Time Warp:  
  
Hmmm. "Substitute Heroes Contest. Enter here. Winner gets Legion membership?"  
  
Boombastic:  
  
PHATTY MCDOPENSTEIN, MY BROTHA!  
  
3,2. Time Warp looks surprised.  
  
Time Warp:  
  
Why are they doing that anyway? Why not just promote you or John?  
  
3,3. Boombastic looks more cocky than usual.  
  
Boombastic:  
  
Because, young sidekick...  
  
Time Warp:  
  
I'm a year older than you, REMEMBER?  
  
3,4. Boombastic continues unaware.  
  
Boombastic:  
  
...the contest is just to give all the other people a hope that they'll have a chance in hell of getting Legionnaire status, while everyone knows that your OLYMPIC HERO is going to get that Legionnaire placement.  
  
3,5. Time Warp looks upset.  
  
Time Warp:  
  
You've been watching pro wrestling without me again, haven't you?  
  
3,6.   
  
Boombastic:  
  
Just sign the paper.  
  
4,1. Legion HQ. You see the Legionnaires on a platform in front of the Subs (back view: Subs.)  
  
Invisible Kid:  
  
Here's to the fact that one of you will be able to be our equal and bring your profitability, er, POWER to the Legion of Super-Heroes!  
  
4,2. Invisible Kid:  
  
Um, can we have the first applicant?  
  
4,3. Bender walks up to Invisible Kid.  
  
Bender:  
  
Hey, it's Steve. You know my skills.  
  
4,4.   
  
Invisible Kid:  
  
Ah, yes. The one who bends reality. Come into our VR chamber.  
  
4,5. Invisible Kid shows Bender the facilities.  
  
Invisible Kid:   
  
We have chosen scenarios that have been simulated to the same difficulty as they would in real life, and chose scenarios that would be insanely difficult for the worker's power. Here is your mission, if you choose to accept it. YOU MUST CAUSE JERE FOLWAL TO MARCH IN THAT PRIDE RALLY OVER THERE.  
  
4,6. Bender is afraid.  
  
Bender:  
  
THAT'S NIGH INSANE!  
  
Invisible Kid:  
  
Sucks to be you, then. Go do it.  
  
5,1. You see him try to regain composure.  
  
Bender:  
  
Ah. Now to just use my abilities. First, take this computer and calculate the exact improbability of Folwal and Lyle's minds switching for exactly one minute..  
  
5,2. Bender takes a cup of tea out.  
  
Bender:  
  
Now to drink this nice hot tea...  
  
5,3. Out of the VR chamber:  
  
Invisible Kid:  
  
You did it, but you switched my mind, which makes it make me do it. You get 100 points.  
  
5,4. Cornell comes up to the VR chamber.  
  
Cornell:  
  
I didn't get the record from SWO to Subs, but I think I can take this one. What's my poison?  
  
5,5. Invisible Kid looks more maniacal.  
  
Invisible Kid:  
  
We don't have too much data on you, but we do know about your bloodline. Therefore, we are giving you a typical one: Go three rounds with these barroom brawlers on a planet with a red sun.  
  
5,6. Cornell looks like she's feigning bad acting.  
  
Oh..No. How... will ... I do... this?  
  
6,1. Invisible Kid locks the door.  
  
Cornell:  
  
Idiot. He didn't realize that the whole red-sun thing was filtered out eons ago. Now to just turn the juice on...  
  
6,2. You see all of the brawlers hit her. Cornell yawns.  
  
6,3. Invisible Kid goes up to Cornell.  
  
Invisible Kid:  
  
You did it, but you were required to tell us about ALL pieces of your data. 110 points.  
  
6,4. You see Kid Psycho go up to the platform.  
  
Kid Psycho:  
  
You didn't give me my props last time. Prepare to dish them out.  
  
Invisible Kid:  
  
Ah, yes. We're giving you the same thing that got you in trouble last time, only we're adding to the party this time the Magnoball All-Star team. Wrap them up.  
  
6,5. Kid Psycho sees the All-Stars and Cosmic Boy on the other side.  
  
Kid Psycho:  
  
Come on, you've practiced. Just work it like you would any other time...  
  
6,6. You see Kid Psycho's arms with a strange glow around them.  
  
Top:  
  
With this, Kid Psycho draws from a rage that he had never had before...  
  
Kid Psycho:  
  
PUNK ROCK!  
  
7,1. You see Kid Psycho wrapped up in a metal rod. Invisible Kid isn't amused.  
  
Top:  
  
Unfortunately, that didn't do him one bit of good.  
  
Invisible Kid:  
  
YOU LOSE! GET OFF OUR PROPERTY!  
  
7,2. Condo heads to the platform.  
  
Condo:  
  
Just give me something easy.  
  
7,3.   
  
Invisible Kid:  
  
Your mission is to, um, make that person over there sleep.  
  
7,4. Condo goes over to the person and administers a "sleeper hold."  
  
7,5. Condo goes back over.  
  
7,6.   
  
Invisible Kid:  
  
EXCELLENT! You get 1000 points.  
  
8,1. Boombastic is enraged.  
  
Boombastic:  
  
Hey! He didn't even need to use his power for that. As Deputy Leader, I'm afraid that I'm going to have to contest his points.  
  
Condo:  
  
You're just mad because you don't think you can beat it!  
  
8,2. Boombastic is mad.  
  
Boombastic:  
  
Well, I bet I probably could beat that total if I was getting MY groove on with the guy administering the tests!  
  
Condo:  
  
It's in the books. Deal with it.  
  
8,3. Brisk comes off the stand.  
  
Brisk:  
  
I'm sorry, Condo, but I agree with Boombastic on this issue. You didn't need to use your power for this, so we have to lower the total. Since both deputies are in agreement, Legion rules dictate that the scoring's superceded. The point total is lowered to 75 points.  
  
8,4. Condo's furious. Brisk looks quite calm.  
  
Condo:  
  
THIS IS UNFAIR! YOU'RE ONLY AGREEING BECAUSE HE'S YOUR BROTHER!  
  
Brisk:  
  
Half-brother, actually, but you're really close. Still, 75 points, you don't like it, we got two words for ya.  
  
8,5. Invisible Kid:  
  
Next up, Brisk. HA!  
  
Brisk:  
  
Oopsie.  
  
8,6. Invisible Kid:  
  
Now, your healing factor may cause a problem in the fact that you can survive better than most, so we've adjusted for it. You will face off against this recreation of Darkseid.   
  
9,1. Brisk:  
  
Stupid idiotic Invisible Kid. Well, time to work this.  
  
9,2. Brisk's arms are glowing a deep red. He looks angry.  
  
Brisk:  
  
LIGHT THAT SPROCK UP!  
  
9,3. You see Darkseid laugh off the flames.  
  
9,4. You see Darkseid beat up Brisk.  
  
9,5. Invisible Kid is pleased.  
  
Invisible Kid:  
  
You lose!   
  
9,6. Time Warp and Boombastic head over to the platform.  
  
Boombastic:  
  
I don't think that this is necessary. Just sit back and let the master do his work.  
  
10,1. Invisible Kid looks excited.  
  
Invisible Kid:  
  
You also have some protection as your power, but yours is much better. As such, you will go up against this representation of Mordru. The win isn't recognized until you hand us his hat.  
  
10,2. Boombastic is extremely angry.   
  
Boombastic:  
  
YOU SPROCKING BIASED SNOG!   
  
10,3. Invisible Kid looks entirely smug.  
  
Invisible Kid:  
  
Just for that,it's on the hardest level. Enjoy, meester Bond.  
  
10,4. You see Boombastic in a form of meditation.  
  
10,5. You see his hands move like in a Kung Fu movie.  
  
10,6. You see him put his hands to the "finger gun" motion.  
  
Boombastic:  
  
SMOKE THIS MOTHERSPROCKER LIKE IT AIN'T NO THANG!  
  
11,1. The flame travels.  
  
11,2. The "Mordru" deflects it with his pinky.  
  
11,3. Close-up on Boombastic's face, he's scared.  
  
Boombastic (in smaller font):  
  
Grife.  
  
11,4. Boombastic is hit with the flame.  
  
11,5. Invisible Kid gets ready to gloat.  
  
Invisible Kid:  
  
YOU LOSE!   
  
11,6. Time Warp jumps over.  
  
Time Warp:  
  
Keep that scenario in, I'm beating him down.  
  
12,1. Invisible Kid looks like he's ready to laugh.  
  
Invisible Kid:  
  
Okay. If you REALLY want to try that, go ahead.  
  
12,2. Time Warp goes into the chamber.  
  
12,3. A bubble forms around Time Warp.  
  
12,4. Time Warp ends up in a hat shop.  
  
12,5. Time Warp takes a hat off of Mordru.  
  
12,6. Time Warp heads back.  
  
13,1.   
  
Time Warp:  
  
I believe this is what you wanted.  
  
13,2. Invisible Kid is impressed.  
  
Invisible Kid:  
  
That is just hella cool. 150 points. Welcome to the Legion.  
  
13,3. Time Warp:  
  
YEAH, BABY!  
  
13,4. Boombastic looks insanely jealous.  
  
Boombastic:  
  
Good show, old friend.  
  
Time Warp:  
  
Come on, Shane. Did you really want to join the team?  
  
13,5.   
  
Boombastic:  
  
It's not even that. Now who's going to be my sidekick?  
  
Time Warp:  
  
You'll obviously need to break a new one in.  
  
13,6.   
  
Boombastic:  
  
So, do you need some help moving your stuff from Sub HQ?  
  
Time Warp:  
  
Of course.   
  
14,1. You see them head to Time Warp's room.  
  
Boombastic:  
  
End of an era, huh?  
  
Time Warp:  
  
Of course. I couldn't even believe I got in ahead of you.  
  
14,2.   
  
Boombastic:  
  
Couldn't you have just went into the future and seen who was destined to win?  
  
Time Warp:  
  
Why do you think I entered in the first place unless I was certain of that?  
  
14,3.   
  
Boombastic:  
  
Well, that's good. Hey, at least one of us got in.  
  
Time Warp:  
  
Yeah.   
  
14,4. The team heads over to see Time Warp off.  
  
Bender:  
  
Are you going to come, Shane?  
  
14,5.   
  
Boombastic:  
  
Neh, I just need a little time to myself.  
  
15,1. You see Boombastic go back to Time Warp's room.  
  
15,2. You see Nightfall head in.  
  
Nightfall:  
  
Dood, are you all right?  
  
15,3.   
  
Boombastic:  
  
Yeah, I was just thinking.   
  
15,4.   
  
Nightfall:  
  
What's the problem?  
  
15,5.   
  
Boombastic:  
  
It's just that Stefan was my best bud, and now he's going up to the big club. Definitely bites.  
  
16,1. Nightfall looks surprised.  
  
Nightfall:  
  
You're kidding. I thought you were just angry that he beat you!  
  
16,2.   
  
Boombastic:  
  
Well, that too, but mostly this.  
  
16,3.   
  
Nightfall:  
  
Don't worry about it. One day, somehow, you'll find another sidekick. Maybe it's someone on the Subs, maybe it'll be some applicant who gets on your good side, maybe it'll be a little kid who's in awe of your abilities that you'll frequently take liberties with...  
  
16,4. Boombastic looks annoyed.  
  
Boombastic:  
  
I DON'T think it'll be the last one.  
  
16,5.   
  
Nightfall:  
  
Okay. It won't be the last one. But you'll get another. All the best heroes do, and you're at the very least the sexiest of them.  
  
17,1.   
  
Boombastic:  
  
Thanks. Are there any new applicants?  
  
17,2.  
  
Nightfall:  
  
A couple. Come back down so we can test them.  
  
17,3. Boombastic sits down in the Leader's chair.The seat next to him is unoccupied.  
  
Boombastic:  
  
Our first order of business, testing the Substitute Applicants.  
  
17, 4. A remake of Stone Boy comes in.  
  
Boombastic:  
  
Where are you from?  
  
17,5. Stone Boy responds.  
  
I am Stone Boy, from the planet Uranus.  
  
17,6. Boombastic looks quizzical.  
  
Boombastic:  
  
And what's your full name?  
  
Stone Boy:  
  
Um, Uranus.  
  
18,1. Boombastic looks angry.   
  
Boombastic:  
  
NEXT!  
  
18,2. A long-haired man comes in.  
  
Man:  
  
MY NAME IS KIIIIIIIIIIIDDDDD....  
  
18,3.   
  
Boombastic:  
  
NEXT!  
  
18,4. A man in a black suit, stylish shades, and a black fedora comes in.  
  
Boombastic:  
  
State your name.  
  
Man:  
  
I am Sancho.  
  
18,5.   
  
Boombastic:  
  
What's your power?  
  
Sancho:  
  
I am Sancho.  
  
18,6. Boombastic is skeptical.  
  
Boombastic:  
  
And that's a power...how?  
  
Sancho:  
  
There are many Bobs in this world. There are many Freds in this world. But I... I am Sancho.  
  
19,1.   
  
Boombastic:  
  
You're currently the front-runner for our spot. I'm not sure if this is bad or horrible. Are there any more volunteers?  
  
19,2.   
  
Bender:  
  
Just one.   
  
19,3. A little guy in a suit like Nemesis Kid's comes in.  
  
Boombastic:  
  
What's your 411?  
  
19,4.   
  
Guy:  
  
My name is Dave Goldberg. Recently, I was the youngest Earth-born man to be accepted at the prestigious Myar Technical Institute. This made me the brunt of many people's jokes. One day, these frat dudes poured a compound the Institute had developed for alchemy down my throat and left me for dead. Instead of killing me, I found it gives me the ability to defeat any one opponent or get away from multiple opponents. I have taken the name Momentum because it just sounded cool at the time.  
  
19,5. Boombastic looks impressed.  
  
Boombastic:  
  
I'm going to need to talk to him for just a sec.  
  
20,1.  
  
Boombastic:  
  
I just have a few questions. Number one, are you cool with being an unofficial sidekick?  
  
20,2.   
  
Momentum:  
  
It seems cool with me.  
  
20,3.   
  
Boombastic:  
  
You're in.  
  
20,4. Momentum looks very pleased.  
  
Momentum:  
  
Phatty McDopenstein's great-uncle in a Tinseltown bordello!  
  
20,5. They leave Boombastic's office.  
  
21,1.   
  
Boombastic:  
  
I think I've found my new sidekick.  
  
21,2.  
  
Nightfall:  
  
Aw, grife! I was trying to drop hints for you to make me the sidekick!  
  
21,3.   
  
Boombastic:  
  
You'll keep your Sub status and like it, missy. Otherwise, I'll have to get rough on you.  
  
21,4.   
  
Nightfall:  
  
Can you, please? I've been a good girl...  
  
22,1.   
  
Momentum:  
  
Well, I think I'll have to get my stuff.  
  
22,2.   
  
Boombastic:  
  
I think this is the start of an interesting friendship.  
  
22,3.   
  
Boombastic:  
  
DID YOU GRAB MY ASS?  
  
Momentum:  
  
Of course not!  
  
22,4.   
  
Boombastic:  
  
Well, you've already proven to be a better choice than the last one.   
  



End file.
